All alone at home today to friday... kinda of can't use to it.. but then i have to.. they went holiday n left mi alone... haiz.. if i call u to come down n pei mi, will u travel all the way to pei mi this few night?
i really hope that u will...
is kinda of scary when u r alone at night..
Guess u also wun read my blog...
Ytd night i cried... don know wat wrong with mi... Emotional all the time when i think of u... i couldn't control... n make myself suffer... hope thing get better if i don think too much...
Just finish exam last week... N passed my birthday last week tooo.. Got confident for passing? Confident on passing 1 module with a 'A' grade... another 1 just hoping can get a 'C' grade... was quite stress when the exam getting near... Haiz..
Birthday how i celebrate? hmmm just went out with baby... for lunch, movie n dinner.. he surprise mi with a mini cake... n brought mi a heel which i choose on that day itself... not much surprise he give... :( still hoping there is somemore after the mini cake surprise.. but maybe i think tooo much then led to disappointment... :( hmmm dad n mum brought mi perfume which i don really like the smell.. but still thank them for giving... brother no gift but a sms greeting... friend give greeting on facebook n some on sms... then, reach home 9 plus cos no much plan after dinner... :( was kinda of sad that my birthday is end like that... but then no choice baby had to work next day..
Recently, i feeling very emotional... something that make mi so emo but i don know wat... my house now become more ppl.. become more crowded... got to share room with my brother... which i hate most... in the past when i sleep alone in my room, i can fall asleep easily n sleep throughout the night.. but now... becos of my auntie move to our house... then my brother have to let the room out for them n shared room with mi... that is i hate hate most.. i can't sleep well at night... cos always been wake up by my brother.. he will sleep very late at night as in very early in the morning like 5 to 6 am... then will make so much noise... like bang door loud.. shift thing loud.. n so on... i hate it... And the most hate is that he still let his gf to come n sleep is like 1 week got 5 days is sleep at our house... i hate it... already so cramp liao still bu pai sah... Thick skin come sleep.. y mum n dad wun say him... always he do thing he always right... n i kenna scolding... i just nag abit.. then he pissed off.. afterthat mum will scold mi.. WTF.. my room if u want to come in sleep can u pls make in clean n neat... i hate it when u put all ur thing on the floor n don want to clear it... i hate it when u hang ur clothes at the back of the door, when it is so stink.... i really hate it when u sleep in my room... i really hate it whenu bring ur gf back n sleep in my room too... when auntie moving out.. i cannot tahan... i want to have freedom... with u inside my room i have no freedom... i'm sick n tired of my life now... although, weekend i can stay at baby house.. but i can't every week stay.. his mum also will not like it.. even though he n his mum nv say anything.. but i also must automative abit... don do it so often until his mum don like.. :(
haiz sometime i sleep beside u, i can't feel that u r beside mi... is like an stranger beside mi... i can't feel u r there for mi... sometime cold sometime hot... it not like last time the feeling... Can u feel it?
tml until friday... i'm alone at home with my dog.. cos my family n auntie going for holiday.. n left mi at home.. even tot is good.. i can have freedom for 4 days.. but.... i'm scared been alone... y they go on weekday... :( baby also can't pei mi... cos is so far for him... :( haiz... school start today.. so fast with no break after exam...
Recently, the weather has been becoming cooler... Myheart also feel some coldness... :( 3 years 11 months & 2 days n is still counting.. having this coldness feeling from u recently... don know is it long term relationship will cause the relation to become tan or wat... i just feel upset when u let mi have that feeling.. not like the past we will have lots of laughter, teasing, hugging, kissing etc... But now is like no sweet moments... i felt my heart is heavy & aching... It when after our phuket trip, i then feel that kinda of feeling... maybe u nv notice but i can feel it...
maybe u may think i think too much... too sensitive... too stress for exam.. or maybe having pms etc.. but, i really feel it.. that kinda of feeling that u urself also don know... u nv know that i cry on sat night (28 nov) while u r asleep ba... i didn't tell u the next day cos i don want u to know that i cry because of this... u may think i sound so silly for crying... i just can't control... ;(
actually i cry ytd night again.. :(
sometime u may find how come my mood suddenly change so fast... each time we talk a topic, somehow u make mi feel u r unwilling to listen or reply in a impatient tone... :( i don want to argue so kept quiet with a disappointed face... but i doubt u notice my facial expression...
i try to control my emotional... but each time is hard... i don want our relationship become like that.. i don't want to be the ending.. i want to be the longest n happier moments like our starting... :( can that happened?
i write this entry, just that i need a place to let out... i'm scared to speak to u about this cos u will get piss... or maybe feel irritating... & also i don't know how to open my mouth n say to u...
i guess u wun see this post... but even see.. i hope we can make thing out... i not blaming u.. is just the feeling n i need to let out... so post it... u can pretend nv see this post...
i guess i love u more than u love mi... that y u nv have such problem... maybe i'm the most emotional want or sensitive want who will have this problem surrounded mi...
Exam is coming... i had nothing in my head... this topic we talk about it ytd night... do u remember? in the end, we kept quiet right after some discussion... i doubt u remember... ;(
i think i shall not write any boring n silly post... guess i should think positive... think lively... forget about this negative thinking... concentrate about the future... it just make myself suffer only... i kept on repeating this so many time to myself... but it seem like not working... :( Haiz
Recently, i feel so stressed out. Mainly becos of my exam is coming n i don really prepare yet... Just go back school last mon & ytd for revision n tips... but it seem like i have to study all... :( My period is late as i'm too stresses out... actually not only exam that stress mi, there is other... Like money which is always my very main reason... like relationship... i don know is it related to relationship ma... but i had the feeling... i don know is it i over sensitive or i pms... i just feel that he is very side to his mum side than to my parent... i don know how to say... but i just got the feeling... this weekend, he rent car. i feel very happy cos i don have to take public transport home... to get crowded with abnn.. but.... this weekend is mainly together with his mum n his brother... mean his family... he got say b4 that if he rent car will drive my parent out but eventually if i nv ask for he also wun do that... i know i'm unreasonable to have such thinking... i not mind going out with ur family but i just feel......... haiz don know how to put in word.. i know u love ur mum alot alot... i also love my parent tooo... i just feel that sometime can u think of my parent abit... just abit also can.. i know my parent is chu ren... hard to get along but just think abit for them n for mi... each time u think of ur mum, like want bring her go where when u rent car or when u got car.. my heart feel upset that u did not even mention to bring my parent to where... i don know u can feel ma... even though i show sian sian face, n keep saying nothing nothing or pretending nothing actually there is... i just don dare to say out cos i know u will get very pissed with mi... u will feel i'm a unreasonable gf... i think i love u more than u love mi ... that y always have unreasonable thinking... i don know my emotional very easy get shake...
Haiz i stressed i just cry... cry cry cry.... sad sad sad... emo emo emo emo... keep all sad thing in my heart.... think the memory is full liao... got to burst out liao..
No wonder my friend say mi y everyday i'm sad de... becos keep too much in my heart but don let go... :'(
Recently has been very depressed... i'm sick n tired of my life with such income.. Paying half of my salary out every month.. i left nothing to spend.. Reading other ppl blog recently... found out most of them going for holiday n is the place i want to go (Taiwan)... i'm sad that i can't even have the money to go on a small trip to genting.. each time i went to holiday... come back always struggling how to survive for the rest of the day... cos my budget is just nice for holiday... then come back always left abit to survive.. i want to get a better job with higher income.. with such low income i can't manage to save as much to go taiwan... i'm so envy ppl there can go holiday with out any worries... i always blame myself for not studying well in secondary... i always being so upset then make myself suffer... cry cry cry... that is the only way i can release my stress or trouble... i really hope that god will drop some money for mi or can see my situation... then give mi 4 number for mi to buy 4D.. win liao don have to troubled..
Ytd had a fight with my stupid father... y always like this.. always want to let go of dog when is not pay by ur own money... if tot u pick up dog from the street, u also cannot do that always.. don like then let go.. say wat give ppl but u will just throw them at a street... Ni Zhen De Hen Mei Ren Xin... I HATE YOU!!!! don u know got feeling liao mah... BEBE is like that now BOY BOY u also like that... Which dog there is no smell de... Which dog don create noise de... Got new dog old dog don want... wat logic is that... is u who say keep two... now becos abit of noise from BOY BOY... u want to let go of him... then might as well let ur bird fly lah.. ur bird also create so many noise ma.. say wat pet r mine, u have to no right to say a word... got wing liao lah, can fly liao lah... Fuc* lor... i really stress on my financial, my study, my life, my work now another pop out... I REALLY SICK N TIRED OF LIVING.... haiz always mi who suffer most... cry the whole night... i only know how to cry... WHAT SHOULD I DO???
History repeated ytd... i'm disappointed... i cried sadly ytd night... M i very difficult to "hong" ? Just "hong" "hong" mi very difficult ma... Girl always like ppl to "hong" "hong" awhile then they will not angry anymore... Wat the meaning that u don know how to "hong? is not that u r dumb, stupid or useless but just.. Dating almost 4 yrs, u don know my character ma... Angry also awhile, faster "hong" mi then i will calm down faster... Just a simple hug or a kiss, i will calm down immediately... i nv ask u to bed down to ask for forgive.. Just really a hug or a kiss, then i know u cared about mi..
U r not dumb, stupid or useless at all... :(
But sometime u need to be alert abit more to mi.. Actually i'm not really very angry about u sleep, but u can tell mi early that u r tired, don feel like meeting want to sleep early.. U say out then i will not meet u de ma.. since u didn't say i tot u not tired wun fall sleep so fast.. but then reapeated again.. leave mi alone doing nothing while u sleep.. i tot that 2 hr plus u can stay awake... pei mi chit chat or wat... but eventaully u fall asleep.. i don know is it i unreasonable or wat.. But y can't u just say out.. like that i will not waste my trip down seeing u sleep. I'm tired too but i wun show it out easily... cos when i see u, my tiredness gone... I always very eager to meet u de... but everytime this happened always make mi feel so sian... i don want to quarrel with u de... i don want de.. :(
.:~iPhone - White 3GS (16GB)..
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.:~Many Nice clothing..
.:~Many Nice shoes.. .:~Pet[Doggies]..
.:~Levi jeans..
.:~Adidas stuffs..
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.:~Mi & Dear Last Long Long..
.:~Driving License..
.:~Go many holiday..
.:~Dad & Mum win lottery.. .:~Want someone that can let mi sleep at his shoulder..
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.:~Many beautiful bags --> Gucci Bag :p..
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.:Lasik Laser Eye Surgery..
.:Study Diploma this yr..
.:Get more salary.. .:1st Get a new spec n contact lenses..
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